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Archives for June 2020

Rescued at sea at 7-years-old

Brave 7-year-old Lauren Vuong escaped Vietnam with her family and 57 other refugees on a small wooden fishing boat at…
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Part 3: After dad was admitted to the hospital, I

Part 3: After dad was admitted to the hospital, I tried to be so strong and not cry when the doctors told me he was dying and that they had exhausted all the possibilities. “Even if he survived, he would have a miserable life”, said one of them. They encouraged me to speak to my family and change his status from Full Code to Do Not Resuscitate. And tears just fell like a waterfall. I guess the Emergency Dept dr was right. Dad was on borrowed time.

I looked around me to see all of the other patients who had recovered and going home. Selfishly, I wanted the same fir dad. I just wished we could go back in time and prevent any of this from happening. There was so much pain and sadness. I just couldn’t bear it. I knew that I needed to seek help since modern medicine had done all it could. Asking for help does not come easily to me, but I realized I couldn’t go through this by myself AND I needed to understand what we were dealing with on a soul level.

When all physicality is taken away all we have left is our spirit. What was dad’s spirit feeling, thinking, doing? I confided in a spirit sister whom I trusted to help me speak to dad at the soul level. She told me that he wants to stay but that his physical body may not have the strength it needs to get better. I felt completely powerless and hopeless … but I wasn’t about to give up yet. My siblings and I decided that it was too early to give up on dad, and that he would be a full code and all life-saving measures would be taken if his heart stopped.

That night, I felt so lonely. I didn’t feel God’s presence in this confusion, sadness, resentment, fear and worry. As I put my weary head down on the pillow that night, I asked God, “I don’t know if you can hear me but if you are real, please just show me a sign that you are here with me because I’m scared and I really need you right now.”

I closed my eyes and saw three bright yellow stars ⭐️ lined up horizontally. They then moved to formed a triangle. What I saw was as clear as my hands that I see in front of me. Thank you God. Thank you for loving me and for loving my family. I trust you. I trust this path. I trust whatever comes our way.

Cont’d in comments...

Part 2: What I didn’t share before was how he ca

Part 2: What I didn’t share before was how he came to this point where he had to be hospitalized. While to this day we still don’t know what was the actual cause, what we do know was that his body had become weaker in the previous 12 months. It was deceiving because he would still work out nearly every day and participate in his normal activities. So from the outside looking in, he looked like a healthy 72 year old man. 2 days before hospitalization, my mom said that he wasn’t eating or drinking anything. I came over that night and like the pushy nurse I was, forced him to drink fluids to stay hydrated. By 11 pm that night, he perked up and was feeling better, enough to watch a movie that night. This was a good sign, or so I thought.

The next morning, I received a call from mom who said that I needed to take dad to the Emergency Department. I immediately drove over there and when I saw him, I knew there was something terribly wrong. His face was as white as the bed sheets. As we were driving in the Emergency Department, I remember telling myself to stay calm and keep him awake. He started getting very sleepy and I kept saying to him “dad, don’t fall asleep! Just stay with me until we get to the hospital” over and over again. When we arrived, the doctors took one look at him and knew that you had to be admitted. Dad’s test results showed that his liver was not able to filter out the toxins and he was very sick. The doctor pulled me aside and said “With test results like these, your dad shouldn’t even be alive right now.” I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard. Why didn’t I see this Why didn’t I know this? Why didn’t I get him in the previous night? Maybe I could have prevented this! As I sat there, looking at my aging father on the gurney, I began to shake in fear. He was curled up in a fetal position, grimacing asking to have pain medications. The ED doctors were too scared to even touch him for fear he would code. And as we waited for dad to be admitted to the hospital, unbeknownst to us, his soul would begin its biggest battle - to find the will to live or to accept that this was his time to die.

To be continued...

It was 2 years ago today when the Drs. told me tha

It was 2 years ago today when the Drs. told me that my dad was not going to make it. It had been less than 24 hours of being admitted to the ICU and everyone had given up. I even tried to convince myself it was his time and attempted to see this through the eyes of a nurse to suppress the pain of experiencing and witnessing the impending death of my own father.

Early that morning following dad’s admission, my mom and I sat in the car comforting each other. She said she had a conversation with God and told him that if this was dad’s time to go, that she would accept his plan. Seconds later she broke down in tears and began to sob, and through her cries she said she would miss him so much - that even if this was God’s plan, she wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I reminded her that we don’t know if that plan was set in stone yet, That right now we have to just focus on every hour. That we couldn’t allow our minds to go to the worst case scenario.

And that afternoon, the news of that worst case scenario was confirmed by the care team.

I remember standing in the hallway of the unit with two of the specialists who gave me their medical diagnoses and their upfront, honest opinion of dad’s prognosis. His body was shutting down and there was nothing they could do to stop it. But the etiology was unknown - we didn’t know the exact cause. Even taking him to get an MRI would be a risk to his life. In addition to being intubated, he was on 4 vasopressors, aggressive fluid resuscitation, CRRT (for kidney failure), antibiotics with 4 access lines. The person I saw in that hospital bed was no longer my dad. It was a physical body swollen up like a balloon, helpless and lifeless.

My heart and my mind were at war that night. Do I choose my faith and pray that God brings a miracle and be crushed later if it doesn’t happen or do I accept the physical, evidence based reality that it was too late and accept what has already begun and allow myself to grieve his passing now?

I’ll continue to share this story with you over the coming days. I want you to know that no matter what is in our physical reality, anything is possible and that the power of love heals. More to come tomorrow ❤

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