I know it’s been a while – well a few months to be exact. I wanted to share with you what’s been going on with me.
I’ve always known since I was a little girl that I was going to do something big. I think I shared with you already that during my nursing school interview, the panel asked me “Why do you want to be a nurse?” My reply was “Because I want to change the world.” And I really meant it. I just wasn’t sure what that would look like. Today that vision is starting to come together for me. But before I share with you what I have been working on, I wanted to tell you some things that I have rarely shared with anyone. Why am I doing it now? Because I know this will help some of you. I know that your heart is searching for something deeper and I wnat you to know that it exists for you.
Rolling the Boulder Uphill
It’s been quite the journey for me. As a child, I grew up in a very traditional Vietnamese Catholic family. We prayed at every meal, in the car and in the evening. My parents were extremely strict with my siblings and I. We could never sleep over at anyone’s house … even when I was 18 years old! It is not uncommon for a single woman, even in her 20s and with a full time career to still be living with her parents. It was part of our tradition and I never questioned it.
I was raised to believe that respect for your parents or anyone who is older than you meant that you don’t speak up or voice your opinion and by doing so you were being disrespectful. It meant you didn’t love your parents if you didn’t obey. That sign of respect also turned into me believing that my words didn’t count and that my opinions weren’t important. I was to be “a good girl”, sit quietly and be pious. I didn’t want my parents to think I didn’t love them. So by keeping my lips shut and suppressing my voice, I learned to live like the stereotypical shy asian woman.
I don’t blame my parents for anything. I created this belief. I misunderstood respect for love. If I didn’t respect someone, that meant I didn’t love them. But’s the complete opposite. To LOVE means you speak your truth. You stand up for your beliefs. However, I didn’t know this until decades later when I was in my mid 30’s and in a stage in my life where I wanted MORE. More fun experiences, more supportive friends, to be a part of something bigger than myself and accepted by a community regardless of what I owned, how I spoke, whereI worked, or how I looked. It was then that my real journey of self love began.
I didn’t realize how much I loathed myself until I became part of this community of empowered women. They were from all walks of life and when they tried to send me love, I shielded myself from it. I really thought I didn’t deserve their compliments or friendship. I wasn’t depressed but I never thought I was even good enough in the way I fit my clothes, how I talked, what I wrote, what I said. And one of my friends asked me why I was so critical of myself. Why did I feel like I wasn’t worthy of this love? I didn’t even realize that this was the energy that was pouring out of me. I mean I always thought I was a positive person, but when it came to my own self, I was not a fan, AT ALL.
Even when I became an entrepreneur, I had what must have been 100 walls of resistance. No matter what I did, I felt like an imposter. No matter how much money I made, it wasn’t enough to feel worthy. No matter how much love I showered on others, I never could receive. So this journey has been about self awareness, self-love, self improvement and self empowerment.
Through 3+ years of forgiving myself and learning to love who I am, releasing the judgments and criticisms of the past mistakes, allowing myself time and space to heal from emotions that were under layers and layers of denial, and finally stripping down to the truth of who I really I am, I have emerged as someone who I know is worthy of everything she wants in her life. I’ve finally started to practice some self-love.
Can You Relate?
Have you ever felt any of the things I shared with you? If you resonate at all, and you don’t have anyone to talk to, I am a really great listener. That’s a huge strength of mine! All of the years not speaking, I have learned to be a super listener.
So here’s the most amazing part. As I started on this personal journey 3 years ago and emerged a transformed woman, I started to reflect on what it is I want the next 50+ years of my life to look like. I knew I wanted to make an impact on a big scale but not sure how to go about this. My parents then became my inspiration. As a daughter of a refugee, I have always recognized everything they have done to create this beautiful, amazing life for my siblings and I. This was my chance to pay it forward.
In July, I came up with an idea to create a program that will support refugees and immigrants in the US to build their dream life. Think of it like basic life coaching for “newbies” in the US, and I believed I was going to bring this idea forward through a TEDx talk. I did some praying and meditation, and I asked God to open up an opportunity for me to speak at a TEDx event. Well, 3 days after I came up with the idea, not only did I land a TEDx talk, I was approached by a producer and director to do a documentary on this. It doesn’t stop there! She also said she would introduce to me angel investors to help support this program financially.
This is manifestation at it’s finest! No, it’s not magic. It’s simply setting an intention, being in alignment with your purpose and the abundance then just FLOWS in effortlessly. There is still more … I know, right?
I have also been setting an intention, meditating and praying that God bring someone into my life who could open doors for me to help me continue to expand this idea to the world. This past Wednesday, that person showed up. She has the resources and network to help me bring this idea to the masses. Not only that, she has been following my blog and listening to my podcasts and said that God brought her to me; that she was here to serve and she wanted to help me become the best leader I could be, especially as a role-model for Vietnamese American females. She was available to me for whatever I needed. How amazing, crazy and fabulous is that?
Now, I don’t know if you believe in a higher being. I certainly do. I know that this was all about timing, about learning and discovering who I am and who I am to be. I am so excited to be on this journey. I am feeling high with excitement and gratitude for the blessings that have dropped into my life.
If you are on a journey and you are feeling like all you have been doing is pushing the boulder uphill for years, let me tell you … never lose faith friend. Have compassion and self-love. Know that I am rooting for you. Know that I believe in you. Know that I want to see you succeed. Because when we succeed, we inspire others and show them what is possible.
To more abundance!