I just came back from an annual business convention this past weekend and WOW. What an amazing time spent with my soul sisters and getting re-inspired.
At one of the leadership parties I attended, someone had asked me “Who is your crush?” She was asking who was it that I looked up to in our business. My response?
“No one because I am pretty awesome.”
I have a crush on ME!
It wasn’t that I didn’t admire those top leaders – of course I did! Some of them are my friends and mentors! BUT when someone asks me who my “crush” is, to me, it puts them on a pedestal and me down below them. I am sure she didn’t mean anything negative by it and was purely asking because she also had many people she admired, but I know that many times in the past, when I wanted to be more like someone else, it wasn’t because I looked up to them, it was because I didn’t think I was in that moment, good enough.
You see, when you can see yourself in this very moment as enough, then it doesn’t matter what the status of someone else is. You don’t get distracted by someone else’s achievements, but you focus on your own and doing what makes you happy.
The old version of me: I was just jealous
A few years ago, I yearned to be more like the people I admired, but it was coming from a place of lack and envy not from someone who was confident in who she was or how she felt about herself.
For many of us, there are good and bad, trials and triumphs throughout our lives. Yet despite the weathering storms, we still have dreams and goals in our hearts and it’s the moments of stress and struggle where we build our strength.
Sometimes though, we don’t realize that we are supposed to rise up and march in the victory parade. We unknowingly choose to stay stuck where our circumstances have kept us.
The trick is to re-frame your thinking and tell yourself that if she can have it, I can too. There is so much we can learn from each other. No one has all the magic answers – that’s for sure. But if you just stay quiet for 5 min, and listen to the quiet voice in your heart (NOT your head), the answers you seek are there.
We have been trained since birth to be logical humans. To feel is to be weak. To make an important decision based on a feeling instead of data is reckless. Well, I can tell you all the decisions I made based on my intuition or a gut feeling was ALWAYS the right one. I have found that I have had to go back to my initial decisions based on instinct rather than tangible proof. Yes, sometimes it doesn’t make sense – AT ALL. But if you just trust yourself and take that scary leap, everything will turn out ok. Even if it ends up not giving you the outcome you want, maybe it wasn’t meant for you anyway!
Logical isn’t always right
Even as entrepreneurs we get sucked into “what makes sense” according to what has been done, but when you feel like you are guided to take the road less taken and have no other reason other than “it just feels right”, people look at you like you are from Mars. And then you start to feel a little but less confident. Then over time, all these little things accumulate and now you are completely disconnected from yourself, looking for someone else to be like.
No one likes feeling that way. So, here are 4 ways for you to get your mojo and love for yourself back:
- Turn down the dial of your inner critic. We all have one. If you don’t, then you are a robot. If you are reading this, I am positive you aren’t a robot. Your inner critic is the voice that tells you “You will fail” when you want to start a new venture. She tells you “You aren’t smart enough or ready to be successful” because she wants you to feel safe and not do anything that would require you to take chances or risks. Stop listening to her. Turn down the dial and tune into how you feel instead of that voice of negativity. One of my favorite words to say when I hear her in my head – “Not useful” and I literally visualize a volume dial and turn it to the left so that the inner critic isn’t heard.
- Write down 2 things you like about yourself – one physical attribute and one personality attribute. Then give 3 reasons why. Do this for 1 week, 7 days and you will feel differently about yourself. When those feelings of unworthiness creep in again, open up the pages where you listed all things you love about yourself and it will be a huge boost to your spirit when you need it.
- Choose to see mistakes as life lessons you needed to learn. When you make a mistake, be thankful that your eyes were opened to this lesson and next time you know not to do that again. You aren’t the only person in the history of the universe who has made a mistake. BE a good friend to yourself and find the upside.
- Pay it forward. Buy someone a coffee. Wow, does $3 go a long way! Not only does it make you feel good, it makes them feel good, and you’ve now started a ripple effect that will spread to others in more ways than you know.
Remember that you can still think of yourself as a pretty amazing badass without thinking you are better than everyone else.
If you are an entrepreneur and this resonated with you, and you are looking to connect deeper and live bigger, I’d love the opportunity to chat. Together we can overcome obstacles and open up opportunities so that you can start living the life you’ve always imagined. You can find me here. Talk to you soon!